Monday, November 13, 2006

The LIL protocol

Have you ever blurt out something that you were not supposed to say? talked to the one person you are not supposed? Was someone ever angry at you for not telling them someone else's secret? Are you tired of keeping other people's secrets?

Long story short, I invented the LIL protocol (Last-in-Line protocol) to solve a man's problem of dealing with too many people confiding secrets, which only a "subset" of their/my friends/family can hear. When most people started doing this, the stress almost gave me a heart-attack once. I think this the best thing that ever happened to humanity since Socrates pained everyone to ask the question "Why!"

The LIL protocol is very simple to follow and relieves the follower of any stress to keep secrets and the related book-keeping. It follows 3 simple steps:
1. Don't say anything to me that you dont want to tell me.
2. Don't say anything that you dont want anybody else to know.
3. If the above two are too difficult for you just dont say anything to me.

This protocol ensures that
1. I do not have to worry about what I might blurt out
2. I do not have to be restricted while talking because whatever I say, will already be known by all
3. Less intake of crap.

Actually it works really well. Beyond your imagination. Try it for a month. Honestly, I have been practicing this for about 2 years now.

I know I will be nominated for the Nobel peace prize for this, but I would prefer M.K. Gandhi to get it first before I do.

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12 Comments:

Blogger artnavy said...

that is really cool-

My mom is EVERYONE's agony aunt
i keep telling her what do u get out of it
she says she does not ask, people just flock to her and tell

will give her your advice

Monday, November 13, 2006 at 2:28:00 AM CST  
Blogger The Kid said...

NO no no... I did not know it could have been interpreted this way. This protocol does not mean I close myself to other people completely. It makes a lot of difference just to listen to other people's worries/agony.

This protocol is only for useless "Secrets". Like "Did you know that X was flirting with Y after he got drunk" kinds. Stops a lot of gossip.

Monday, November 13, 2006 at 2:34:00 AM CST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

nice....i rather like telling things which i shoudnt to someone..just for the fun of it..after all what is life without fun???i keep secrets which r useful while the rest i warn u dont trust me..if i promise too i wont break but ill tell kinda like our govts(of the world)

Monday, November 13, 2006 at 6:18:00 AM CST  
Blogger Archana Bahuguna said...

Was funny and a good one :-).

Monday, November 13, 2006 at 11:19:00 AM CST  
Blogger Archana said...

Oh, you are one of those people whom everyone finds very nice to confide in :-)! Sometimes, harmless gossip is fun especially for late night vetti timepass :-D!

Interesting protocol, considering I have friends who complain about always being the last in line to get any piece of info :-))!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006 at 12:01:00 AM CST  
Blogger itchingtowrite said...

nice one.. but i wud rather be in the know than not!!i am too curious

Tuesday, November 14, 2006 at 1:25:00 AM CST  
Blogger babe said...

LOL protocol .. i mean LIL :D

its wierd da - i have to find out what YOU imagine to be MY private secret, and not tell you that!! Lest you end up thinking that i am confiding in you!!! - I hate this worrrsstttness.

so add one more line to rules
4) dont tell me anything that (i think would be your secret _intersection_ u think its a secret) !!

actually i never used to think like this and all - but gals man gals .. they make u think talking-politics all the time.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006 at 10:21:00 AM CST  
Blogger The Kid said...

OK... many things to clarify.

I do not think many people confide their secrets to me. It is not like I am a very good listener. If you have a couple of female friends/family, over time, algorithmically there will be a state space explosion. Eventually you will be mired in some complex Cyclic dependancy graph. I have more important things to do in life than keeping track of who can be told what.

This algorithm also stabilizes quickly and completely eliminates stress from the followers.

Importantly in the end, it boils down to this, if you have some secret, dont say it to anyone.. or if you say it to someone it will be known by ALL.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006 at 11:45:00 AM CST  
Blogger The Kid said...

@babe: Dei, you have over complicated it... Basically, this protocol says,

"I will not hold back anything from other people... so if you tell me something it will probably be blurted out to someone. "

Caveat emptor.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006 at 3:03:00 PM CST  
Blogger artnavy said...

stand corrected but see i was not alone in teh misinterpretation

anyway i find secrets scary- both mine and others'

Wednesday, November 15, 2006 at 1:02:00 AM CST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's funny how most of your taggers are females. it's even funnier how almost all your entries in your blog have mentioned girls. a hell lot of stamina, i must say.

Friday, November 17, 2006 at 5:01:00 AM CST  
Blogger The Kid said...

My deadly charm permeates through the cyber space :-)

Friday, November 17, 2006 at 10:48:00 AM CST  

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