Krishna - Part 1

Disclaimer: If you think your God is unassailable, just because he is Supreme, please get out of my blog.

I am from TamLand, and we have a saying, "Netrikkannai thirappinum, kuttram kuttramae". Which translates to, "You might have an awesome cool third eye, (referring to Lord Shiva) but dude, you still made a retarded statement". This was said by a Tamil poet directly to the Lord, having found a flaw in his poem. Such is our ethical system. We stand up to injustice, anywhere. The poet was in turn burned to ashes by Shiva's wrath, but that is just a minor technical detail. We don't take bullshit just because Lord Shiva said it.

My mom used to tell tales about Krishna, and how cute he was. But, Ramanand Sagar who directed that Sri Krishna series in Doordarshan, killed my imagination of "cuteness". Jokes apart, Krishna might be Vishnu's avatar, but he is not great. Simply put, the dude was born with some awesome cool powers, like kicking his evil uncle's ass, and eating a lot of butter and dirt. But a lot of people before and since then have done this. Actually I have both kicked my uncle's ass, and had a lot of butter and dirt when I was a kid. I am cute as hell (they should have cast me as cute Krishna, damn it!). Anyways, where was I?

I think Krishna is arguably the most popular God among hindus. An important factor in the last century was ISKCON, which popularized Krishna outside India. Krishna is know for his, "leela", pranks which mostly involves a lot of trickery and deception and very funny too. Krishna's mostly associated spouse is his girlfriend, Ms. Radha. His life history is by itself quite interesting, his association and involvement in the Mahabharata is at best confusing. "Bhagvat Geeta" is the only text in human history presented by a God to a devotee which explains "way of life" including God's glory.

I think it would be really funny to talk about this dude. I am sure I will not offend Vishnu (Krishna's original and more boring version) in anyway, because I am using only documented and well accepted acts of Krishna. Importantly, he uses a lot of magic (something like David Copperfield) in most of the situations, so I will skip most of the "magic" part. Here is a brief history of our dear Krishna.

Even before he was born, his evil ass uncle knew about nephew and decided to kill the newborn child. Somehow Krishna escapes, and gets to be brought up in a village. The village is known for its dairy products, and guess what our Krishna's fav snack is? Butter. He eats butter from his house and because he eats too much, his family becomes poor and so he decides to steal and eat. He gets caught red handed a couple of times and so becomes a disgrace to his family. His foster mom punishes him severely for such delinquent acts, but since our hero has divine immunity goes scot-free after doing some theatrics.

During his developmental years in Brindavan (name of the village), he also shows signs of extreme pervertedness. He goes to the nearest water body and while young, attractive sexy women take bath, he steals their clothes, hides them and makes them beg for clothes. This is somehow supposed to be funny, but I am sure my mom will immediately disown me if I did something like this. If this is not heights of pervertedness, what is? I think the blanknoiseproject people also would be behind Krishna's ass.

Next comes the girlfriend. The dude becomes adolescent and gets the most popular chick in Brindavan. I will not badmouth her, because she represents MahaLaksmi and never harms anyone. But the poor damsel falls for the MayaKrishna, and in their first love do all kinds of things. Ok, maybe there are no documents for what they did, but I assume they did more than just run around trees like what Ramanand Sagar showed. The best part is, when Krishna decides to leave for a glorious career, he jilts Radha and never returns. Ms. Radha is never talked about in any of his stories after that. What crap is this? This kinda behaviour is unheard of in Tam literature. There have been no documented case of jilts by honorable people, in the entire Hindu literature. Except of course by Krishna.

The dude, then goes on and marries two other women, Bama and Rukmini (dual-marriage is a standard with Hindu divinity package, just like 401k and stock options). Ms. Radha never gets married or nothing is known about her life after Krishna leaves. But Krishna is always associated with Radha... Even today there is a very popular ceremony that devotees celebrate, called "Radha Kalyanam" (Radha's marriage), where they place Radha's idol and Krishna's idol and get them married to each other. I am not sure why people do this, the dude clearly got over her, and never wanted to see her again. Devotee's Denial? or maybe people feel sorry for Radha and pray that their daughters never meet a guy like Krishna!

I am sure people have a lot of things to say about Krishna and want to badmouth me. Bring it on.